In such cases, the spark signifies that there is a part of you that is afraid that you couldn’t ‘get’ him or her to be with you, which triggers excitement and the attempts to try to prove to yourself that you’re good enough to get him or her to be with you.
Instead of searching for sparks, be on the lookout for someone who has the same characteristics you look for in friends.
Men and women have the hardest time with this issue, as they’re usually too focused on sex appeal and personality ‘sparks,’ and focusing too little on the factors that actually matter the most.
How sexually attracted should a person feel toward a prospective partner at the beginning of a relationship?
If I could jump through the computer screen for emphasis, I would do it to underscore the importance of this issue. I spend a lot of time working with clients who believe that they need to feel that excited ‘spark’ when they first meet someone, or otherwise they know in their bones that they’d never want to be in a relationship with the new person. In fact, if you’re someone who has a history of feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in your relationships, you need to walk when you meet someone witi whom you feel a serious spark.
I go into greater detail on these issues in my book, but these questions provide a great starting point.
Relationships aren’t easy, but they’re easier if you make sure that the person you get involved with is someone who’s truly compatible with you from the very beginning.